he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
