my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize