so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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