i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
