did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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