Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
