I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
