Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
