Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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