BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
