omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
