Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
