I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
