Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
