you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
