i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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