I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
