i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
