i wish starbucks made bloody marys
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
