I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
