I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
