I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
try to milk me bitch
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