the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
