So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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