Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize