wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
