this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
