just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
