Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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