Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
