peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
