forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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