Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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