I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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