I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you win again, gameday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
