Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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