Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
