look no pants
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
