life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize