I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
