Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
