Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
