ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
