these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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