I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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