i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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