I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
