I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
