Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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