So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
