checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
