I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
