i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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