They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
