i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
