I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
