it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
