I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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