She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
