I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
