I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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