I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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