im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
