in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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