you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
