i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
