Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
