I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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