yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
